Thane is detail-oriented. He’s learned new skills to help maintain the house he shares with Kim – replacing drywall and repairing a deck – tasks he’d never done before. Kim exudes a calm ease, which probably comes in handy in her career in the airline industry.
Thane and Kim met nearly four years ago online, and Kim says she was “scared to death” to meet someone online:
I went out with one other person who didn’t look anything like his picture, but then [Thane and I] started talking some. We were emailing – I think that was all. Then we decided to go out, and I stood him up on our first date.
Thane says, “I emailed her and said, ‘If you’re going to put yourself online to meet somebody, and you’re gonna set up a date, you’ve got to go.’”
Kim says “he wasn’t ugly about it”, and that he said he, “thought she was a nice person and a nice person doesn’t do that,” and that she liked that.
They now live together in Charlotte, NC in the house Kim owns. They’ve broken up a few times and persevered through a nine-month period of long distance.
Both previously married, Thane and Kim share apprehension about committing to more than they can deliver and an active desire to not repeat their past. They keep their expectations in check. It’s an interesting thing to be unified on and it provides a lens to understand how their love lasts.
They don’t know if their partnership is permanent – and they’re not even sure if they’re willing to talk about marriage yet. They exist in an honest, present medium, and their willingness to share their feelings speaks to the efficacy of that choice. Kim compares Thane to a past partner, explaining how the two men navigate expectations differently:
I don’t think [my ex] was a bad guy, I just think he was not capable of everything he would’ve really probably liked to do for somebody. [Thane] is one of the most genuine people – genuine men -that I’ve ever known, because he would never say all those things if he weren’t willing to do them.
Thane says their relationship is “a book that hasn’t been finished yet.” All relationships are like books in some unwritten stage, but often couples say they know their story ends with Happily Ever After. Thane and Kim don’t claim to know how their story ends, but they nonetheless seem to be confidently writing it together.
What page of your story are you on? Do you and your partner know how it ends? How do you stay on the same page as you go along?
Share your thoughts in a comment below.
Daniel is a founding author of How Love Lasts.