Jordan and Jessica met in 2010, when Jessica was a first-year law student, and Jordan – in his third year – was the class’s TA. Jordan says, “she was very active in the class and kind of really drew attention.”
Jessica also noticed Jordan right away:
He was super super intelligent – I loved that about him – um, really confident, and not in an off-putting cocky way at all. He was just comfortable with himself, and he makes other people around him comfortable, and I was really drawn to that. He’s really driven and I could see that right away, um and really honest. I was never, like, guessing what he thought or anything like that.
Over the course of the semester, they formed a friendship that gradually turned romantic, despite the fact, Jordan says, “she was just getting out of a relationship, and I didn’t think or know that I was really interested in settling down at that time. I was graduating law school at that time, gonna get a job, make money, do fun things.”
Besides, it was understood that Jordan would only marry a Jewish woman, and Jessica was not Jewish.
For all these reasons, they felt safe to explore their relationship without worrying it would turn serious. Of course, they wound up falling in love anyway.
We weren’t even trying to convince the other that we were cool. We didn’t want to convince them at all. We wanted to not do that, so we were like, ‘I’m gonna be me,’ and I think that natural— ‘you’re the person you are right now, and you’re the person I wanna hang out with all the time. Why wouldn’t I wanna do that forever or until that doesn’t make sense anymore?’
They discovered so many commonalities, so much common ground. Jessica says, “we both value our careers a lot, and the other values the other’s career, and we always support each other, ya know, and we each have pretty lofty goals. Jordan says, “there isn’t much that I think that one of us likes to do in great proportion to time that the other one doesn’t like to join, other than, I think,“ he adds with a laugh, “I’m getting more and more into golf, and Jess is kind of getting out of it.”
Their common ground is also present in the way they approach conflict. Here’s Jordan:
We’re both attorneys, so when we argue it’s orderly, and I think that’s very important, and so we never— our arguments don’t regress into, like, name-calling and bullshit. It’s very very, ‘You’ve done this. If this is something you wanna continue doing, then you should continue doing it somewhere else. If you wanna not continue doing that, and be a person that doesn’t do that, we can continue moving forward as a unit.’ And that’s for both of us.
And yet, they had one big difference to resolve before truly becoming a unit: Jessica still wasn’t Jewish. Here’s Jessica:
We couldn’t get engaged before I decided for sure that I was gonna convert because he wanted to marry someone who was Jewish, and um, and also I wasn’t gonna, like, start a conversion process without being engaged because I – by the same token – wanted a commitment from him. So we had maybe discussed it, or it was an unspoken understanding, that I would make a commitment to convert, then he would propose, then I would convert, then we would get married.
And that’s exactly what happened. Jessica promised to convert, and Jordan proposed. They took conversion classes, and planned to have the conversion ceremony a few days before their wedding ceremony. Jessica says, “that’s kind of just a formal thing because we practice Judaism already.” Jordan says that – through the conversation process – they’ve discovered,“we were more on the same page about faith than we thought.” Jessica agrees: “We have agreed that we want to be a united front on the religion thing … I think that religion is, um, a really important way to teach children – and all humans I guess – about values and morals and being a good person.”
Jordan and Jessica are two peas in a pod in many ways, but staying on the same page is still a daily choice. Here’s Jessica:
I am trying to always remember that, like— you don’t— the person you choose to be with, you don’t, like, own them, and you can’t control them. And so if you ever allow yourself to fall into that mentality you will be unhappy, so you have to always just look at this person, remember every day you chose to be with this person, because of the way that they are. Like even if Jordan is like, ‘I can’t come home until late because I have a ton of work,’ sometimes I feel a little twinge of like, ‘ugh!’ But you have to remember that’s partlywhy you fell in love with him: it’s because he’s such a hard worker. You have to remember those are the qualities you like about the person – but I think you could apply it to anything. Of course everyone gets annoyed with each other, of course when you live with someone. But always remembering, ‘this is the person you chose to be with,’ and remembering the reasons why you wanted to be with them. And I think that we are – thus far – we’re not even married yet – I think that we’re both pretty good at that, and I think that that has had a positive impact on our relationship.
Jordan and Jessica are tying the knot tomorrow! Congratulations, you two!
Do opposites attract? Or are you and your partner more like two peas in a pod? Are your similarities a help, or a hindrance?
Share your thoughts in a comment below.
Brooke is a founding author of How Love Lasts.